Fool Proof

“Holy crap Rach, we’re really screwed tomorrow,” said Sam over the telephone.

“Chill, chill, I’ll think of something I promise. I’m sure we’ll get out of this. Look if we’re going to get fucked we might as well enjoy it,” I replied chuckling.

I always did this. Every time I got nervous about something I ended up saying something crude or stupid trying to shed some humor to the situation. This time it did not seem to work.

“ What is wrong with you woman? Are you seriously insane? How the hell can you be casual about this? No, Rach what the hell are we going to do? Seriously I’m flipping out,” she babbled on.

Sam was starting to get on my nerves now. How the hell was I supposed to know what to do? The five of us were in the same mess together and why was everyone expecting me to bail us out of this? I put the end of the pencil that I was playing with in my mouth and started to chew on the eraser bit.

“ If we don’t go to school tomorrow then we don’t have to take the exam. Just don’t go to school tomorrow,” I said, thinking it was a good idea.

“ Are you a moron? Where is your fucking brain Rachel? Our parents all know we have this exam tomorrow. There is no way any of us are going to be able to get out of school tomorrow. Besides, we had all weekend to study for it but no, you wanted to go for that stupid concert and talked us all into it,” she retorted.

I hated when Sam did this. Okay fine, yes I procrastinated. Yes, we all should have studied for our French exam, but it was an Aerosmith concert and I really wanted to go. I felt a little bad. There was no way my parents would have let me go without the girls. It was an overnight weekend concert and they obviously did not trust me. I had to talk Sam and the other girls to come with me. Okay think Rach, how do we get out of this mess now?

“ Sam, I’ll call you back. Don’t say anything to anyone yet. Let me just think about it. I’m sorry but just trust me I’ll find a way to get out of this,” I said.

“ Whatever Rach, just call me back soon okay?” she said sounding worried.

“Yeah, yeah I will. Toodles,” I said.

I got off the phone with Sam and sat down on my bed. I resumed chewing my pencil and thought hard. I had almost chewed off most of the eraser when an idea struck me. It was perfect and fool proof.

Picking up my phone, I punched in Sam’s number and told her to get the other three girls on conference with us.

It didn’t take long for her to get Alex, Jo and Tash on the phone. Sam was good at rallying the troops. I was the one that roused them up.

Tash and Jo were on her landline speakerphone, while Sam, Alex and I were on speaker on her cell phone. (Honestly I don’t know how she does it).

“ Okay girls. I’ve got a plan. And before saying anything and interrupting me just listen okay?” I said.

There were four “Fine’s” and I began narrating my plot.

“ So here’s what we do. You know how behind the school, up near the football field there’s the wire fence with all the trees? Well there’s one bit, which is well covered, with trees so no one can really see anything,” I said.

First interruption. I was expecting this anyways.

“ Rach, how do you know that?” barked Alex

“ Oh I go down there sometimes between class to sneak a cigarette with Dan and Kyle,” I said, quickly regretting that I didn’t.

“ Rach! I’ve told you a million times not to smoke in school. What if you get caught? You’ll get expelled!” said Sam.

God! Sometimes I really hated how annoying my friends could be.

“ You know they’ll never expel me,” I said cockily. “I’m a model student and the head of every major student organization in school. Plus I’m basketball and house captain. They can’t expel me,” I continued. Why were these shit heads digressing I thought.

“ Okay whatever, can we get back to my plan,” I snapped.

“ Go on,” sighed Jo and Alex together. I was pretty sure Sam was rolling her eyes and Tash was trying to muffle her laughter. I loved Tash. She was gutsy and rebellious like me, but way more subtle.

“ Well I’ll get a wire cutter with me tomorrow. All of us come to school normally, but carry a change of clothes,” I said.

Second interruption.

“ What? Why?” shouted Sam. “Rach what the hell are we doing tomorrow?”

I wanted to punch Sam right now. I was trying to get us out of this pickle and all she kept doing was annoying me.

“ Seriously? Well my plan is that we skip school, climb through the wire mesh, call a cab to the back of the school near the water tower and then go out somewhere. We can wait till school’s almost done, take a cab back in time and then just go in through the primary section because they get out early. Coach Shannon goes to pick her daughter up, so if anyone asks just say it’s about after school practice,” I said, sounding very pleased with myself.

Rightfully enough, there were four immediate reactions.

“ Are you crazy?” yelled Sam.

“ That’s brilliant Rach!” laughed Tash.

“ What?” said Alex.

“ Rach, there’s no way we can get away with all that,” said Jo.

“ You guys are fucking morons seriously. People skip school all the time. Trust me, no one’s going to know. Their just going to assume we’re sick or something. They never call our parents anyways to find out if we’re actually sick. Plus no one would ever expect us to skip school. Especially when we have an exam,” I said.

“ You know she does have a point,” said Tash. I loved Tash. She always backed me up at everything.

“ Rach your actually serious about this?” said Sam. I could tell she was getting convinced. That was how desperate we all were.

“ You guys, we’re all really good students. We always get A’s, the teachers love us, the principals in my pocket, and besides we’re not doing this for some joy ride or thrill factor. We’re actually desperate. And our parents will never find out. Come on. Get with the program”.

“ I’m in,” said Tash.

“ Yeah. Rach is right. We are desperate,” said Alex.

“ Me too. I’ll do it,” said Jo.

Sam was the only one left to be convinced. I knew she was hesitating. This is classic Sam. She’ll hesitate and go back and forth but in the end she always gave in. She just needed the extra push.
Tash came to the rescue.

“ Sam think about it. Do you really want to fail the exam? Or skip school tomorrow, study all day and then get an A. It would ruin your average if you don’t. Think about it. Think about college,” said Tash.

Okay so she was getting a little dramatic talking about college and everything. It was just a stupid little mid term but all of us were very particular and OCD about our grades.

“ Fine. Whatever,” said Sam. And that was how Samantha Brown gave in.

“ Good, now that that’s settled, don’t forget to get a change of clothes tomorrow. We can’t be running around in uniforms. If a cop sees us, or a teacher we can get into a lot of trouble. So change of clothes and please act as normal as possible. Sam, you especially,” I said.

“ Yeah, yeah I know,” she said. “ So we’re meeting outside school tomorrow then?” she asked.

“ No you idiot. People will see us. Just come to school at the usual time and go to the boys’ bathroom in the gym. We can easily walk out on the steps that lead to the football field and there are no classes scheduled there during first period,” I said.

“ You my girl, are bloody brilliant,” said Tash.

“ I try,” came my cocky reply. I had to admit it was a pretty good plan though.

“ Anyways, can I go now? I want to go watch Gossip Girls before bed.

“ Oh. I forgot that was on tonight. Yeah I better go too. We’ll see you tomorrow. Good night hun,” said Tash.

The other three mumbled goodbyes and I put the phone down. My ear was hot from holding my cell phone there for so long but a smile spread across my face as I thought about the next day. The plan was definitely was foolproof.


The next morning I shoved a pair of jeans and a t-shirt into my sling bag. I had put the wire cutter in my bag the night before after stealing it from my father’s toolbox. I went downstairs and sat down to have breakfast with my mother.

“ So you’re prepared for this exam?” she asked.
“ Uh huh,” I replied chewing through my piece of toast.
“ I haven’t seen you studying all weekend,” bantered my mother.
“ I studied. Chill. Relax woman. Your always so paranoid about everything,” I said.
“ Just make sure you do well okay? No B’s or C’s. I only want A’s from you,” she pressed on.
“ Yeah mom. Take a chill pill. I’m out. Bye. See you after school,” I said, walking towards my front door.

“ Read the questions twice and go over…” I shut the door before she could finish. God why was everyone so anal about everything.

I got to school and walked straight to the boys’ bathroom. The girls were already there.

“ Oh my God Rach where the hell have you been,” said Sam.

“ Having breakfast,” I said. Tash and I both laughed and high fived each other while Sam gave me a really dirty look.

“ Okay. Change and we can call a cab. I’ve got the wire cutter,” I said.

Alex took out the phone and dialed the cab company since she was already dressed. I heard her give directions to the cab company as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. I told the girls to stay back while I went and cut the fence down so it did not look too obvious what we were doing.

The wire cutter worked like a charm and in about five minutes I had cut down on one side and bent the wire back so we could all climb out. I ran back to the boys’ bathroom to where the girls were waiting.

“ Okay so that’s done. Now lets just wait for the cab. Alex you keep watch and we’ll run as soon as it come,” I said.

“ Fine. I don’t know where you come up with these mad ideas,” she replied.

In about ten minutes our cab was there and we snuck out as carefully as possible. I had butterflies in my stomach and part of me was excited, the other a little nervous. We managed to get over the fence okay and into the cab. We all knew the cab driver wasn’t going to ask us any questions but none of us had decided where we were going to go.

“ Where are we going?” asked Sam.

“ Lets go to the hookah place we always go to. People know us there, won’t ask any questions and it’s away from teachers and school,” said Jo.

“ Yeah that’s a good idea,” said Sam and told the cab driver where to take us.

We got to the hookah place okay and sat down, relieved on the plush couches around the place. We did say we were skipping school to study and we had brought our books, so one by one we pulled out our French books and notes from our bags and started to study.

I’m pretty sure we looked funny. Five girls sitting around a hookah place at eight in the morning, smoking hookah and cigarettes and studying like our life depended on it. We didn’t say much to each other for the rest of the time. We honestly just sat there and tried to salvage whatever time we had in order to do really well on the test we were planning on taking the next day.

Around noon we ordered some burgers and fries and sat around chatting about what we thought was going to be on the test. We forgot where we were, forgot that we had skipped school and just sat there like model students doing our work and eating. After we were done, we decided to quiz each other on our French vocabulary when Sam suddenly looked shocked.

“ You guys, are none of you scared? I just realized what we did and I am a little scared to go back,” she said.

“ Chill Sam, I’m sure it will be okay. I’m positive nothing’s going to happen. Just chill. We’re leaving soon anyways so don’t worry about it,” I said.

“ Yeah, Rach your right. Sorry,” said Sam.

An hour later we were all ready to leave and had done more than enough studying to be confident that we were all going to get an A on our exam. We called a cab and made our way back to school, the whole way laughing about how we got away with our little scheme. The girls kept slapping me on the back and congratulating me on my brilliant plan and I couldn’t help feel really proud of myself. I had gotten away with it.

As we turned into the road that led up to the school my mouth dropped. Nothing, trust me nothing could have prepared me for this.

There were four cars in front of us that were jus waiting in one line and I instantly recognized all of them. My mother, my father and my two uncles were waiting for us.

“ Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! We’re fucked. I’m fucked. My parents are going to fucking kill me,” I panicked.

As we drove up, I made eye contact with my mother who I could tell was fuming. I couldn’t figure it out. The girls and I were panicking. HOW THE HELL DID THEY FIND OUT?

The four cars surrounded our cab and the driver was forced to stop. My mother jumped out of her car, (God help me I thought) and pulled our door open.
“ Get out. All you girls are in big trouble. Get out and go straight to the principal’s office. NOW!” she yelled.

I didn’t want to look at her and honestly I just wanted to walk ahead of the girls. Principal I could handle, Mom, no fucking way. I didn’t even want to try.

As I tried to walk away, my mother grabbed me by my arm and slapped me right across my face. Tears were streaming down here face and I could tell she was really, really upset.

“ Have you no respect for me? What is wrong with you? What if the cab driver took you girls somewhere in the desert and raped all of you? How would we find you? You couldn’t even call and tell me what you were doing? No! You had to go off. I’ve been worried for the past three hours,” she yelled at the top of her voice.

Okay, now keep in mind that schools already over by this point and there are kids everywhere, and here was my mother whacking me and yelling at the top of her lungs. I however, was too shit scared to even be embarrassed.

“ The school called! They said all of you were not in school today and they got worried especially since all of you had an exam. They wanted to know if you were sick,” she continued yelling. Then she turned to the girls and said, “ Oh your parents are waiting for you girls in the principals office.”

Now all of us were pretty much shitting ourselves. We just stood there while my mother continued yelling at us as we looked down at our feet.

“ March! Now! Office,” she barked, like a fire breathing dragon.

We made it up to the principal’s office, some kids chuckled as they saw us, and others I could tell just felt plain bad. As we walked in, there were four pairs of parents just as pissed off as my mother.

I don’t know how long the shouting went on for. Each parent was drowning the other one out. It was quite funny actually but had I laughed right now I’d have really had it.
When they finally calmed down (I think they just were out of breath) Sam explained why we had done what we did. Our principal listened to us and surprisingly was really nice about the whole issue. None of us were going to get into any trouble since that was the first time we had broken school rules. It was the first time I got caught.

My mother however being the martyr/ savior/ saint that she thinks she is was furious with my principal.

“ How can you let these girls get away with this? I want to se some punishment,” she said. “ My daughter needs to learn a lesson.”

Oh God. I hated my mother sometimes. The principal said he couldn’t punish the other girls because their parents were not insisting on any kind of punishment. But since my mother was he gave me three days of in school suspension. Not bad I thought. I got to spend three days chatting away with my principal who was very fond of me.

But the worst was yet to come.

When the whole charade was over and everyone had gone home, all my mother said to me was “ Eat your lunch.”

My father hadn’t said a word to me up till this point and I knew I was in for a huge lecture later on that day. But what he did I did not expect.
As soon as I was done eating my lunch, I felt someone yank my hair into a ponytail and before I knew what was happening I heard my mom scream, “Darling not that short.”

My dad had just chopped off five feet of my hair.

My hair was my mascot. I modeled for it. People were always complimenting me on it. It was my biggest asset and I was more proud of it than anything else.

I can’t remember for how long I cried that day. My mother felt sorry for me and held me the entire time. She was nice enough to even take me to the hairdresser and get my hair cleaned up from the rough cut my dad gave me. I hated my dad and I swore I would never speak to him. I felt ugly. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I was dreading going to school the next day. I had always had long hair and now I had an ugly bob with an even uglier bang on one side. My dad I could tell was sadistically happy and I even remember calling him a sadist and a narcissist.

I didn’t want to go to school the next day because I knew everyone would make fun of me. I knew I looked really different and the whole school knew what happened by this point. My father however, being a sadist insisted I go or I would get another months worth of grounding.

When I walked into school it was like people were honestly waiting to see what I looked like. What I didn’t expect though, were the flow of compliments I kept getting from people. Apparently (I did not see this) I looked like a chic French model. Everyone thought my bob was extremely sassy and suited me really well. At first I thought people were just making me feel better but it was only until the girls dragged me to the bathroom and forced me to look into the mirror that I actually realized how awesome I looked.

That day went extremely well for me. Kids kept walking into my principal’s office to see my hair and even teachers came. Everyone wanted to see me and not one person said anything bad about my hair. I was suddenly the most popular girl in school and one teacher even went to the extent of saying that I was going to be a legend in this school.

When I went home that day my father was the first person to ask me how it was. I could see the sadistic smile on his face. I could tell he was waiting for me to blow up at him at tell him how I hated his punishment. He wanted me to feel some remorse for what I did and that was his way of achieving that.

I however, calmly walked up to him and said, “ Daddy, my day was awesome. And you know what? I love my hair. In fact I’m going to keep it like this for a while. Everyone loved it in school and I think this was the best thing you’ve ever done for me.”

I kissed him on his check and walked off to my room as he stared dumbfounded after me.

My plan did end up being a really good one after all. I got an A on my French exam, three dates and an awesome, awesome haircut.